A Bittersweet Goodbye After Ten Years of The Big and Bright

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Ten years ago in April, I shot my first wedding. In two weeks, at the very same venue no less, I’ll shoot my last. And after wrapping up a few more upcoming newborn sessions and three days’ worth of mini sessions this fall, I’m officially hanging up the photographer hat after Thanksgiving, and saying goodbye to this business I’ve poured so much of myself into for the last decade. At least for a long while!

This was not in my plans before this month, but I can’t say it hadn’t been on my heart. Looking back, there are so many ways the Lord was preparing me for this and protecting me from things not meant for me, my family or my business.

family photos by maddie ray

So why walk away now? Fall is always a photographer’s busiest time of year. The majority of my weekends between mid-August and mid-November are booked with some sort of session (I was booking weekdays only for a while, but with Andrew’s job demands and us not having any family close by to help, weekday sessions were becoming harder to make work on my end). As our kids get older, trying to fit my business into the little time we have to spend all together just isn’t feasible or sustainable anymore, even if I were to outsource more. It’s been wearing on my family, not just on me.

Our daughter starting kindergarten and our boys turning 4 this month really hit us hard. It’s all going by so fast. We’re acutely aware that this is the only childhood they get – it’s happening NOW – and we want to make the most of these years with them. We don’t want to look back and have regrets. We realized we can’t keep putting off traveling as a family or getting away for the weekend together, or even just savoring slow Saturdays at home. As I say to my twins all too often, “There’s only one mommy,” and there’s just not enough of me to go around anymore.

Andrew would’ve never asked me to step away, but I knew something had to give in order to prioritize what’s most important to us as our children enter such formative years, and I’ve felt such relief and peace about my decision. I’m sure it was no coincidence that the Sunday after I told him I wanted to call it quits later this fall, the message at church was about the Sabbath and general concept of rest. How God designed it for us, intentionally. The pastor compared it to the concept of tithing – something that in the moment can feel… wasteful? That’s a lot of money (tithing), and a lot of time (setting boundaries with rest) that we could be using productively… building our businesses, more more more… but at what cost? It’s human nature to be stingy with our money and our time, but He wants us to trust Him with both. And when we do, whether we see it or not, the fruits of that trust and obedience are always better than the fruits of our labor.

These last ten years have been more than I ever dreamed. I’ve had the honor of being welcomed into your homes, your wedding days, your surprises and announcements, capturing your families’ milestones, sharing in your biggest and brightest moments, getting to know so many of you and seeing you again and again over the years, from engagement to wedding, maternity to newborn sessions, your first family sessions and your second, third, fourth and beyond. Watching your children and your families grow. Finding an outlet for my creativity that stretched me in the best ways, that kept me inspired and excited about work for an entire decade. That’s something I don’t take for granted and I’ll of course miss those parts and the friends made along the way, immensely.

I’m going to savor this time of being able to focus solely on my family and our home and not worry about keeping up. I’ve been encouraged by some wonderful friends who’ve made similar moves in recent years and have no regrets whatsoever. I’ve learned not too hold too tightly to any plans (it really isn’t up to us anyway), so, as I’ve said a lot over the years – never say never. Who knows what’s in store for the future, but for now, the next several years at least, I’m being pulled to wear my wife and mom hat full time, and I’m so grateful for that.

Thank you for being here – for trusting me, for encouraging me, for every show of support along the way. The Big and Bright has always been about YOU and I hope you cherish the memories we’ve captured together for years and years to come!

To my DFW families looking for someone new: these are, in no particular order, photographers I trust and whose newborn/family work I deeply admire!

Jordan Mitchell
Kristen Howell
Meghan Tidwell
Lakin Stearns
Maddie Ray
Taylor Pettigrew
Ana Dufreche
Tate Smith
Gaby Caskey

This website isn’t going anywhere (not with ten years of photos and blogs!) and I’ll most likely still blog occasionally – I enjoy sharing my favorite finds, our travels, organization tips and the systems that are working for us in our home, and ramblings on motherhood. I share all of those things on my personal Instagram and I’d love to stay in touch with all of you there!

Homeschool, Here We Come!

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File this under: posts I never thought I’d be writing. But here we are! Finishing up our oldest’s pre-K year at a local church preschool, eager to start Kindergarten, at home, together. It feels surreal to even say!

I started considering homeschool for our daughter (keeping an open mind for our boys, more on that later) a few years ago. So many things about it sounded like a great fit for our family, our beliefs, and our values, but of course I had so many questions and hesitations along the way. When I first brought it up to Andrew, I honestly expected a little more pushback, but his support from the get-go was so encouraging and gave me the nudge to keep pursuing the idea more seriously. I got the confidence I needed to finally say “ok, this is what we’re doing” when I *very nervously* told my mom (who has spent 40 years teaching and working in public education) about our plans and she had nothing but support and encouragement for our decision.

Why homeschool?

The main drivers behind our decision were freedom, faith, and family. Which sounds so cliché, but really, all of our reasons for homeschooling boiled down to these three things. We want the freedom and flexibility it will allow our family to structure our days like we want to, to learn about the things we want to at the pace we want to, to get out and go places when we want to. We want the ability to incorporate our faith into our children’s education because our faith is at the core of who we are and everything we do as a family. And mostly, we want to preserve childhood for at least a little longer. We want to give our five year old time to be FIVE. To play with her brothers and friend, to spend hours outside, to not be woken up at the crack of dawn and hurried out the door or be beholden to a rigid schedule. I’m so incredibly excited and grateful for, if nothing else, one more year of slow mornings at home with my children. I don’t take for granted the privilege it is for our family to have this opportunity, and I’m going to try to steward this extra time we get to spend together well!

Our homeschool style + Priorities

Before I could even begin to narrow down curriculum choices, I had to articulate what our goals and priorities were for home education – essentially, what “style” or method would work best for us. There are several popular methods of homeschooling, and it looks like we’ll be blending aspects of a couple of them. I like the structure and predictability of a thorough open-and-go curriculum (Traditional), but we want more than just workbooks. It’s important to us to emphasize reading, art, nature, music and scripture (Charlotte Mason), and I’m excited that a lot of our curriculum has a common thread of foundational faith teachings. I want field trips, outings, cooking together, and camping and hunting with her daddy to all contribute to her overall education, too. There are learning opportunities everywhere!

Trusting my own discernment

Researching curriculum was incredibly intimidating for me. One of the main advantages to homeschooling is getting to tailor what we do to her strengths, abilities, personality, and interests, so I didn’t want to pick something that ended up feeling “wrong” for her, something that didn’t challenge her enough, something too rigid or not rigid enough. I set a goal to have our choices made by May, and started to familiarize myself with some of the more popular options several months prior, looking through scopes and sequences, reading reviews and sifting through comparison blogs. I knew at some point I just had to trust my own discernment, place my orders, and know that nothing is set in stone. If something ends up not working, we can always shift and try something else.

I shared more details about our specific curriculum choices HERE!

Tuning out the noise

The public school/private school/homeschool debate isn’t something I want to devote a lot of mental energy to. All three options are great for different families, in different seasons, for different reasons. I don’t want to fall into the comparison trap and do my best to put my blinders on, focus on MY children and MY home and our family’s situation, and not worry about the rest. I don’t follow many homeschool accounts (really, just one) because the overload of information and opinions can be way too much noise, but Francie Outlaw’s account has been one I’ve loved for years and I appreciate so many of her insights on parenting, family values, systems for the home, and homeschooling. Many of our curriculum choices were influenced by her, and I plan to use her Weekly Planner system to map out our lessons and keep us organized.

Keeping an open mind

As I mentioned, we’re going into this very open-minded and taking things one year at a time. I know I’m going to be learning right alongside Steele this coming year, figuring out what works best for us, adjusting as we go, and giving us both a lot of grace along the way. While I fully believe that a well-rounded education doesn’t require a classroom setting or following the standards set by our state, we’re also not opposed to public school or private school options for the future, and we have two more years before we need to make a decision for our boys. So we’ll see how this year goes and go from there. Here’s to our first year of homeschooling!